My parents were young when they had me.  My mother was a freshman in college, and my father was in the military.  I am fortunate to have had two parents that found a way to figure out how to make their family work when they found out they would be parents at an early age.  While my father was away on military duty, I was able to establish a bond with my mother, which created a very nurturing relationship.  My dad was influenced by his military experience, and he was intentional about creating structure for the family.  While I can appreciate my father's well-intentions to want the best for me, his desire to create structure and a hierarchy of power often overshadowed the importance of being in tune with who I was a teen, and being able to meet my needs according to what I specifically needed versus this one size fits all approach, which resulted in me feeling misunderstood or that my thoughts and considerations weren't valued at all.

I am grateful for both of my parents because they both contributed something special to my life.  

 

I was able to witness firsthand the benefits of an authoritative parenting style and the detriment of an authoritarian parenting style. I knew that on one hand, I could trust my mom with my innermost thoughts or concerns, and I truly valued the way she sought to comfort and support me. On the other hand, I found myself constantly at odds with my dad because I felt like I was always trying to defend my position. But I did find that when I carefully articulated my thoughts and feelings with my dad through letters I would write to him, he would make some adjustments when dealing with me. Over the years, I learned to be more graceful in my tone, and he became more receptive to my message, and now we have a great relationship.

​

Because of my painful and frustrating experience as a teenager, I  I decided early on that I wanted to pursue a career in helping families understand each other better. I initially started this journey through a career in education because I wanted to be present for my son as I pursued my career aspirations. I was intentional about being a comforting and supportive parent to my son, and I offered the same level of care to my students because I realized that some of my students didn’t get that from anywhere else.  I realized when they received constant judgment and ridicule, they often defended themselves at all cost, which can often be perceived as disrespectful, but I understood it to be protective of their identity, and as a result, my students valued my support and they were receptive to the guidance because I didn’t make them feel inferior for their mistakes.

​

Once my high school students trusted me as a supportive adult, they allowed me to speak with their parents on their behalf, and because I was coming from a place of support, rather than ridicule because I was transparent about my own parenting experience with my son, their parents were receptive to the insight and support, and they often called on me to help them through some challenging situations.

And through my experience as both a classroom teacher, and then a high school counselor, I often got a front seat to the whole family dynamics, and I often found myself helping parents understand their spouse’s perspective in addition to their teen’s perspective, and I’ve watched family dynamics change for the better because I was offering tools to help them communicate better.

​

Now, I get to do this in the capacity that I enjoy the most. I get to help individuals and families heal, and I also get to work with healthy individuals who want to enjoy healthy relationships and family dynamics.